Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
