There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
