Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can text with my tongue
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
