By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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