Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
