Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
