R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
