Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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