it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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