How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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