Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
