Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We just shotgunned beers for America
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
