and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
