he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
