I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
