I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
