Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Drake has all the answers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
