I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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