My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
