I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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