Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
