Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
