You can't motorboat a personality
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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