South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
