I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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