Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
