Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
