Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
