Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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