My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
