No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
