PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This baby is an asshole
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
