i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
