So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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