new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
