if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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