If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He passed out mid-signature
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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