Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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