The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
