All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
