Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
