We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
