I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just threw up on my dentist
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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