the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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