he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
