Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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