Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
