You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
