Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
