walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
