She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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