We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
