May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
