what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
