I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
